Diagnostic and Statistical Manual- Modern Techno Edition by Matt Cohen

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual – Modern Techno Edition
Copyright by Matt Cohen, September 3, 2011 on behalf of the
American Psyberatric Association

104.50 Too Many Techno Toys Disorder:
Characterized by a need to acquire the latest and greatest communication device, each of which has unique advantages, and each of which uses a different mode of communication. This individual typically experiences a strong sense of inadequacy, jealousy, anxiety and incompleteness if they do not have the latest and newest device. Normal inhibitory process is defeated by the need to acquire the newest devices, regardless of need or resources. This disorder creates functional problems due to demands, real or perceived, for the user to maintain, charge and carry multiple devices, as their family, friends and clients may each use different systems and the New Techno Conversion Disorder causes the individual to feel that they must be available to all people at all times. People with TMTTD are typically convinced that the devices save time and improve accessibility and communication, but usually suffer persistent difficulty with keeping devices charged, remembering passwords, keeping all devices available, and losing devices frequently.

265.40 Listosynchomania- This disorder manifests itself in a chronic and overwhelming need to insure that various techno devices including calendars, contact lists, files, and data bases are constantly up to date and are using the latest versions of the necessary software. This disorder becomes progressively more disruptive as increasing numbers of devices and changing software create ever growing problems in maintaining consistency. This triggers a secondary disorder – ,

558.60 Duplication Distress Disorder, resulting from lists replicating out of control and causing memory overload and search identity disorientation. The cumulative manifestation of this disorder is an obsessive desire to insure that all lists are up-to-date and have no duplicates, leading to chronic list purging and resynching.

668.14 Post-It Addiction Disorder
This is a pre-techno disorder typical of individuals that have difficulty with organization and/or are often generating or receiving Too Much Information (TMI Syndrome –see 994.68) and can not adequately manage it either in working memory or in a consistent single method. Post-it addiction disorder presents problems with Post-it Creep, a phenomenon in which the individual’s surroundings are gradually and progressively covered by more and more post-its, even in their car, their bedroom and bathroom and their mirrors. As the Post-it Creep intensifies, the individual may experience a worsening of the condition by adding different sizes, colors and shapes of Post-its, leading to even more confusion and anxiety as to what the colors and shapes represent.
Similar to eating disorders, the individual typically maintains over use of post-its, but periodically engages in Post-It Purges, in which they frantically remove post-its, consolidate them, or transfer them to lists that are then misplaced or buried under additional post-its, rendering them unreadable and useless.

668.15 Post-Post It Traumatic Stress Disorder: This disorder is a second stage disorder, related to Post-It Addiction Disorder, but more complex. The individual with PPTSD becomes so overwhelmed by the Post-It disorder that they begin to compulsively seek alternative ways of recording their thoughts, tasks, and reminders. Often shifting to techno-based programs, they develop multiple lists, alarm systems, reminder messages are other electronic means of tracking information previously confined to post-its. Some even use an electronic version of post-its. Whatever the means, the person inevitably becomes overwhelmed by excessive numbers of lists, lost passwords, and has co-morbid problems
with Listosynchomania and Duplication Distress Disorder. One paradoxical effect of Post-Post-It Traumatic Stress Disorder is that the individual continues the effort to shift to electronic substitutes for the post-its, but, due to an underlying feeling of anxiety and insecurity as to whether the lists will be accessible or may be lost in a techno crash, they often revert to using Post-its at the same time, resulting in a dual addiction and requiring more complex intervention.

144.99 Numerous Numbers Anxiety Disorder: This disorder is a reciprocal disorder, experienced both by those possessing numerous communication devices and by those trying to communicate with them. As the number of devices, numbers, email addresses, and communication systems proliferate, e.g., gmail, email, voice mail, facetime, skype, blackberry, Nextel direct connect, VoIP, and smoke signals, people trying to reach the person using these devices are never sure which is the preferred device, which is on, which has the priority alarm or alert system, and/or is charged. Recognizing that the proliferation of means of connection may result in MESSAGE LIMBO (a state in which a message is transmitted to the person, but is not received because the device is turned off, left home, lost, deactivated, or buried in their purse), the person transmitting the message develops Numerous Number Anxiety Disorder, leading them to compulsively transmit messages to all available numbers and addresses, realizing that limiting the means of communication to one method reduces the chances of the message being received in direct proportion to the number of devices or message systems the person has. The American Psyberatric Association has, through exhaustive research, developed an equation to explain this phenomenon:
The probability that any given transmitted message will reach the intended recipient goes down in direct ratio to the increase in number of devices the person possesses. Conversely, the probability that a single message will be received goes up in direct proportion to the fewer devices the person has. The only fail-safe option, which then generates NNAD, is to generate messages in equal number to the number of devices. NNAD triggers a number of secondary reactions in the person receiving the messages including a variation of Duplication Distress Disorder (see above, but here generated by excessive messages due to excessive devices, rather than excessive lists) and Reactive Message Invasion Syndrome.

842.35 Reactive Message Invasion Syndrome. See above. This syndrome results from the person with the communication devices feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages they are receiving, both generally and from specific senders. Though triggered to some degree by TMTTD, the person with RMIS does not perceive that their techno systems may be contributing to message overload or generating difficulty for others in knowing how to best communicate with them. Despite the Message Invasion Syndrome, which can sometimes even result in resentment or hostility at the receipt of excessive messages, the individual is unable to reduce the number or sources of messages out of fear that they will miss something important or that their TMTTD will be further aggravated. A vicious circle of overload and inability to control it results, which leads to aggravation, reactivity, fatigue and sleeplessness, resulting from the need to keep track of all the messages.

125.68 Spamalot Attraction Regulatory Dysfunction: This condition is manifested by the individual’s intense and impulsive need to join lists, visit new websites and add their name to email lists and listservs, resulting in an overflow of messages. This is also manifested by excessive attraction to social network pages and uncontrolled desire to add friends to one’s lists, regardless of whether there is any actual social or other connection. This Dysfunction also leads the individual to post news about their life of absolutely no consequence, but allowing for the sensation of connection to those on their lists (e.g., I saw a Beautiful Bird today…..isn’t that great!) As the inbox and friends lists exponentially expand, the person becomes convinced that they are gaining social importance and connection, though the number of messages and individuals being connected results in another American Psyberatric Association : The Friend/List Paradox: The more messages, lists or friends an individual establishes on line, the less ability the person has to follow the information received or maintain meaningful connection with the individuals or groups sending the messages.

999.99 Cybercommunication Attention Deficit Disorder/Hermetic Relationship Disorder: These two serious and co-existing conditions involve interrelated phenomena. First, the more messages and lists the individual is receiving and the more devices being used, the more time they need to spend managing, reading and responding to the information and the more dependent they become on the devices and communications systems, as they have no time for other activities or in person interaction. This in turn leads to Hermetic Relationship Disorder, in which the person becomes totally attached to their devices, spending more time with their devices then with people. Often, the condition is characterized by the person anthropomorphizing the devices, giving them names, special colors, prominent places in their room or on their body, spending their day with ear buds or Blue Tooth devices in their ears even when there is no one on the line, and interrupting their daily activities to constantly check for new messages, even in the midst of live conversations with people talking to them. As the condition worsens, they become increasingly engaged in the cyber world, sometimes opting to communicate to people electronically even though they may be in the next room or down the hall. Increasing relying on the light of the device and its keyboard, they may not even turn on the regular lights in their room, glued to their screens, and ritualistically checking the various devices to insure that no new message, list post, or announcement is missed. The only cure for this disorder is MADD: Methodical Assistive Device Destruction.